Little House in the Big Woods

When I was little, I loved reading Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House books. In fact, I loved reading pioneer narratives in general. Another favorite of mine were the American Girl Kirsten books. I also liked reading Dear America.

In any case, I thought that I would revisit my obsession today. I began reading this book.

"At night, when Laura lay awak in the trundle bed, she listened and could not hear anything at all but the sound of the trees whispering together." (3)

This sentence is astounding to me. I wonder what nothing would sound like. In a world where technology is constantly buzzing in our ears, I wonder what this kind of silence would sound like to us. Would it be relieving? Uncomfortable? Terrifying?

One Ticket to Bridezilla-ville

The wedding planning has gotten a little tense lately. With less than a year to go now, I am starting to feel a little rushed, but only in addition to my university school work and two jobs. I am starting to realize that fitting wedding planning, finishing my last year of college, finding a “grown-up job” after graduation and trying to find somewhere for Fiancé and I to settle for the first time is going to be just a little stressful. I’m glad that I have my family to help me in these endeavors.
However, some days it seems like there is a little too much help, if you know what I mean. For some reason, sometimes when someone offers a nice, charitable addition to the wedding in the form of advice, accessories, decorations, etc., I get a little panicked and unbelievably irritated.
I am kind of a mean person. I am controlling. I need to change.
I will be working on changing this from now on because it’s unflattering and unacceptable. (and bordering on bridezilla) However, I still feel like my toes are being stepped on at times despite knowing that they are only trying to help.

How did you/would you deal with this?

Maiden & Married Names PART 4

I wanted to become Josh’s wife. Perhaps I was focusing too much on what I was losing and not enough on what I was gaining. When Josh and I exchange our vows in the future, I will be gaining a husband. I will have someone to come home to every day, someone who will take care of me and our future children. Josh and I will become one. Someday, we will have children. We will live happily ever after as much as one can in the imperfect world that we live in. My ring, our future wedding and every ordinary day that we spend together should be a celebration of this.

Maiden & Married Names PART 3

At first, I had decided that I had been able to move beyond Tradition’s grip, but Josh had not. While his protective intentions were both flattering and loving, I believed they were primitive. However, if I am being completely honest with myself, I can admit that I do not mind not only slipping into but embracing those traditional gender roles. In fact, Josh’s and my plans for our family follow those roles. We plan to have five children. Josh will work and I will be a stay-at-home mother. We have spoken about this future at length. It shouldn’t have surprised me when Josh’s feelings on our marriage followed that traditional trend. After becoming more honest with myself, I began to wonder why I did not want to change my name. What was in my name? After nights of falling asleep to this question, I realized that I was afraid of changing or losing a part of me – the part that would only exist before I became a wife. I think that I had linked my maiden name to my childhood. It was a last attempt by my subconscious to save this part of myself. Saving that part of me is impossible, though. I grew to understand that I could not save my childhood forever. I was moving forward as I had chosen to do when I accepted Josh’s proposal. Not all was lost, though.

Maiden & Married Names PART 2

By assuming that Josh and I felt the same about our last names, I had underestimated Josh’s feelings on the situation in addition to my own. Not only had I underestimated our feelings, I had simplified them, and it took a great deal of thinking to break free of that. I wanted to understand why Josh had been so convinced that my taking his last name was the way to go that even my tears and mostly logical arguments had not swayed him. In order to understand this, I went over it in my head. Traditionally, a woman changed her last name to her husband’s. Traditionally, a woman took care of the house and children. Where was the husband in all of this? More than likely, the husband was working for and protecting the family. With that sentiment, everything kind of clicked into place. Perhaps I was taking Josh’s traditional, bread-winning role away from him. Perhaps I was emasculating him by suggesting he change his name to mine. Instead of being selfish, as I had originally thought, it seemed as though he was trying to maintain the traditional, husbandly role. He was trying to protect and take care of me, his soon-to-be wife, through his name. Though he may not have explicitly known this, I now believe that this is true. Armed with this knowledge, I still needed to figure out my own feelings about this.

Maiden & Married Names PART 1

As a woman living in the twenty-first century, the issue of taking my soon-to-be husband’s name is a complicated issue. I am sure that my grandmothers did not think twice about taking their husbands’ names. More than likely, it just wasn’t socially acceptable to question this. I, however, had a choice; I was torn on what to do. I found myself pushing back against American wedding and marriage traditions. I wanted to fight against the assumption that a woman should automatically take her husband’s name, flinging her own to the wind. Still, I did take Josh’s feelings into consideration. He wanted to take the traditional route. Still, we searched for a compromise. Finding a compromise was difficult, though, since we were on opposite sides. Josh absolutely refused to take my name. I suggested the option of having both of us hyphenate our names into Keimig-Schlue. He disliked that option as well. We were at an impasse. I felt that Josh did not understand the importance of this decision, and I was hurt that Josh wouldn’t even consider changing his last name while expecting me to do so. This issue put me in a difficult position, as I did not want to force him do to anything he didn’t want to do. We had many arguments that were left unresolved, and they grew in intensity. At this argument’s zenith, I had broken down. Between sobs, I told Josh how I was feeling about his apparent lack of understanding, how I felt trapped by this decision, and how I felt like I had no control over my own name. He had no answers for me. Looking back, I think that he had felt just as trapped and confused as I did. Still, since he had no answers for me, I had to find my own.
My original argument was that changing my name was like changing who I was. I had thought that Josh’s feelings and my feelings, though in relation to our own names, were identical. By this logic, I could understand why Josh did not want to change his name. After all, I felt the same way.
I was wrong.

Part 2 coming soon!

E-Bay Dress?

Well... I just bid on a wedding dress (new, with tags) on EBay. $29.99 plus $35 shipping (at the moment). To be quite honest, I am terribly excited. I asked for the measurements to be quite sure that it would (probably!) fit - bust size is 42" and the waist is 38". It is a tiny bit big for me, but I'm surprised at how .... proportional the measurements are to my body. It is so beautiful, don't you think? I'm loving the lace and the beading AND the sleeves. (Actually, there is a tulle bow on the sleeves that will have to come off - simple enough) The train is so ... wonderful. I really hope I win this dress at a great price. It would remove the awkward going-to-a-bridal-shop-and-having-a-stranger-help-me-dress thing.. And if this dress doesn't work, it wasn't a huge expense and we could just sell it again. I can't wait to (hopefully!) try this dress on. <33